i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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