i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
