M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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