Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
