I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
