The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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