You made me cry and you don't even care
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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