the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
