So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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