my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
