I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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