Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
