I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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