Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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