No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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