i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
