Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
