hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
