I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
