she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
