I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
