1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
