You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Your dad touched me again.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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