she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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