I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
