if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
