How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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