I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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