Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
