I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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