...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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