so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize