I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
