i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
