Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
