yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
