I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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