I would go down on you faster than GM stock
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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