Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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