They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
