After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
