margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
