Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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