We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
