just tell him i said nine months
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
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We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
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He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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