Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
