They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I love having hate sex.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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