you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
