I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
