Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
