I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I feel like a drive thru vagina
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
