did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
