U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
