I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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