Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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