Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
