Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
