it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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