This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
