the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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