Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
