You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
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I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize