I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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