I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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