singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
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She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
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You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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