Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
