The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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