I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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